Scarlet Magazine

By Andrew J. Baran

I Want You To Want Me

Posted on | December 14, 2009 | No Comments

I wonder why I’m such an aggressor when it comes to sex- why it feels like a power play or a power trip? Sexually speaking, it’s been my nature to want to please a guy. And I try so hard to make him happy that I have no idea what makes ME happy. How did this happen? It’s a result from years of trying subtly and not so subtly, to excite my partner. First soft approaches, then hard approaches, then throwing myself at him…looking, yearning, longing for feedback that says, “Yes, you’re hot. You turn me on. I want you.”

All I’ve ever looked for was an affirmation… the affirmation that I am wanted.

So now, when I turn on my sexual drive my autopilot is ‘sexual full-court press’. The goal of a full-court press is always to confuse, intimidate or dominate the opponent. I’ve been told I’m intimidating, so this makes perfect sense. I also realize, even a basketball team doesn’t play full-court press all the time, only when the situation calls for it.

I’ve decided to turn my sexual ‘power’ down a notch, or two, or three. I want to enjoy a touch, a comment, a kiss, without being the aggressor. I want to know that ‘me’ is good enough to turn a man on without bells, without whistles, without forward advances. And I want to sit in that feeling. Learn from it, and rewrite my sexual tendencies so I can enjoy the pleasure, and still please him.

And so, as of late, I’m trying not to turn up the heat even though my sexuality is burning like an amber flame inside me. I’m trying to stay on simmer, learning to enjoy sexual encounters and take in the feedback I receive moment by moment.

Yes, like the song lyrics go, “I want you to want me”, I used to do anything to get it. Not anymore. I’m turning my ‘heat’ down to see who comes to me…to see what kind of man is attracted to my simmering sexuality. I honestly believe I’ll actually get what I’ve been looking for and feel what I’ve been longing to feel all these years.

For those of you women who always go after what you want to get it. I challenge you to try a new approach. No matter how hard it is (and it is hard) turn off all your indicators, sensors, signals, and power plays. Be feminine. Be inviting. Be welcoming. Be nice. Be a pleasure to be around. And see who walks into your life. You never know who’ll approach you when your coils are cooled.

~J

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