Scarlet Magazine

By Andrew J. Baran

R.E.S.P.E.C.T

Posted on | December 11, 2009 | No Comments

You’ve heard it before…the yin and yang of relationships…love and respect. It’s in the Bible. It’s in marriage vows. It makes it’s way into movie one-liners. It seems you can’t have one without the other.

I’ve been told men want respect, and they’re asked to love and cherish the female. Women on the other hand want to be loved, and are asked the opposite…to respect and honor their male companion. That’s how the game’s played.

Intimacy has been on my brain lately. The Couples Company has a good read. Emotional Intimacy is the 6th of 8 Stages of Intimacy…and one that most couples don’t make it too. Why? Because emotional intimacy means accepting the person for who they are- flaws, fears, irrationalities and secrets as well as happiness, dreams and sexuality. It’s about trust and letting someone see us at our best and also at our worst.

The yin-yang of love and respect sits smack dab at the center of emotional intimacy. When asked the question, “Would you prefer a person respects and admires you, or would you prefer that a person listens to your feelings and cherishes you?” how would you respond? Here’s the new ‘twist’ on this age-old topic: Your answer doesn’t relate to sexuality or sexual preference…in other words the male could want to feel loved and the female want respect. The yin and yang is not about gender, it’s about masculine energy and feminine energy.

Wow! My brain lit up like a light bulb, I heard the cha-ching of a cash register in my mind and I could swear I heard my grandmother shout “bingo!” from the clouds. Why? Because I’ve voiced the word ‘respect’ to numerous to count…and the word ‘cherished’… is that anything related to tiny winged creatures that fly around?

Yet again, in the spirit of a balanced union a romantic relationship will only be successful if one person has female energy (love and cherish) and the other has male energy (respect)…yin and yang. This new revelation puts me at a crossroads. I’m asking myself questions like: Is this yet another reason why my last relationship failed, because we both exhibited masculine energy? Is R.E.S.P.E.C.T really what I want? Or, deep down do I want to be heard, loved and cherished? Do I want a man in my life who wants yin or yang…or just ‘tang’?

It sounds like whatever I am my partner needs to be the opposite. And so (sigh) yet again, the majority of fingers are pointing back at me. Today’s lesson: You gotta figure yourself out first so you can match your ‘yin’ to his ‘yang’.

~J

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